Dear Jehovah’s Witnesses,
For three days in a row you have had your people show up at my gate, and it is becoming quite exhausting to dodge out of your line of sight in through my windows.
But… I brought you some Watchtower magazines.
Haven’t you figured it out yet? I am pretending I am not home, that means I really do not want to talk to you.
If I didn’t convert a year and a half ago when you sent the Buddy Holly hipster and rockabilly Zooey Deschanel to my home then *nothing* is going to convert me. I knew it was a mistake to take that Watchtower magazine from him, but I felt a pang of guilt after seeing the look of mouth-gaping horror on rockabilly Deschanel’s face after I told them I am an atheist.
I am trying to be a less shitty person right now, and the lot of you are making it difficult. The duck-and-cover near open curtains as your people stand idle at my gate for 10 minutes waiting for me to answer *several days in a row!* has my inner cunt scratching to come out. It looks like it might be time to order some more atheist nontracts to hand out.
Insufferable Cunt 
I know how you feel, I’ve been terrorised, stalked by groups of them. Had them continually going past my house saying crap! Should be ashamed of themselves!!!
well, soon you’ll have the opportunity to see of the error in your decisions just as in those outside the Ark as the downpour of water cleansed the world, you had your chance didn’t you. Just think of how foolish you’ll feel very soon
Ummmmm… I hope you’re kidding man
Can you prove this? No. It’s all in the bible. A book which is historically, geographically and scientifically inaccurate.
You cannot threaten people using a book of fables any more than I can threaten you with Smaug the dragon from The Hobbit.
I was JW and I am so very, very, very sorry for spending years peddling bollocks taught to me by a child-abuse hiding cult.
If you never want them to call again, do one of these:
1. Say you are an Ex JW and now an apostate. They will shit themselves.
2. Ask to be put on their Do Not Call list.
3. Say “I will come to one of your meetings if you come into my home while I sacrifice a pigeon to Satan.“